Failure and Redemption

It’s embarrassing to fail in public. And that’s part of why I stopped blogging almost 2 years ago. Not that I was so famous that tons of people were reading my words. But I felt a connection to the blogging world and my Twitter followers and as I started to gain weight I felt the need to hide. (Of course the relationship goes the other way too. As I blogged less I had less accountability and more “freedom” to fail since no one was watching.)

How did the weight loss superstar who lost 135# and talked about finally having everything click start to unravel? The answer is simple: life. Life happened. I fell in love. It happened to be a long distance relationship that involved months of travel and job searching and ended with a move to a new state. One and a half years later I am still trying to find my groove some days. Going from being a single person who learned she had value and dedicated to herself to personal growth to being in a relationship (for the first time in 8-9 years) and thrust into step-parenting two amazing little girls was a crazy turn of events that I didn’t cope well with for a long time. Maybe cope has a negative connotation, but that’s not my intention. It was just such a radical adjustment that one does not make immediately.

I’ve floundered for close to 18 months now. In January/February of this year I made it back to the 100 pounds lost club. Then within a couple of weeks I started half marathon training and was diagnosed with a likely upper tibial stress fracture and was told not to run for 8 weeks. The pity party and lack of activity resulted in a 25 pound gain. Not my finest moment for sure. I was pretty hopeless when it came to ever running again or losing weight. I resigned myself to not completing my first (and what I expected to be my only) half.

The WYCWYC peeps posted this picture on their Facebook page yesterday, which pretty much sums up where I feel I’m at right now.
glassrefillable
For a long time I was 100% glass half full. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t do. Then life and injury and weight gain happened and I was 100% glass empty. In the last few weeks, and especially days, I’ve come to a point where I realize there’s no reason I can’t get back to where I was. And go beyond. The glass is refillable.

I will lose the weight again. I will learn to love running again. I will do another half marathon and not “just” walk the majority of it. Now that my head is back in the game I feel confident to succeed.

Weight Watchers posted a picture on their social media today touting a feature of the app I have never used, or really wanted to: custom reminders. Inspired by that picture, I set myself a reminder that goes off 3 times a day (10 am, 1 pm, and 3 pm).

wwreminder

Those were semi-arbitrary times but they do seem to make sense. Mid-morning is when I sometimes I want to snack, 1:00 is my usual lunch hour, and 3 pm is another I’m-not-really-hungry-but-I-want-food time.

For the past 3 years my phone alarm every morning has told me to “Wake Up & Be Awesome” (courtesy of Dacia). It’s time to start living that again.

Weight loss is about 64% mental (it’s science) and I’m feeling like I’m in a good place to do it again.

I know I will struggle. Yesterday was one of those days. We had a work potluck. I ate far too much. I felt far too full. But it’s one day. I tracked. I moved on. I took the dog for a walk. #wycwyc
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