If You Start a Blog and Don’t Tell Anyone, Are You Still a Blogger?

I decided to start blogging again. I had every intention of making that a semi-regular thing, but as always, time seemed to slip away and here we are over a week later. Also, I didn’t tell anyone that I started a new blog. Why? I have no idea. Probably fear of failure (see previous post) and feelings of “who wants to read this shit anyway?”

Last week I was super hopeful that things had finally “clicked” and I was ready to be in weight loss beast mode again. But I’m not sure that’s the case.

Yes, we (re)joined a gym mid-week (Planet Fitness – can’t be $10/month) and even went there a few times.

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Yes, we logged a few miles on our bikes this weekend. (I love my Giant Liv Alight 3, BTW.)

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And yes, I’ve been rocking my Polar M400 fitness goal all week. (You know that 99% haunts me and if I realized I was that close I’d have taken the dog out one last time or something.)

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But my eating has been meh. It hasn’t been perfect, but it hasn’t be (too) atrocious either. I guess it’s a start, right? I switched from Weight Watchers online to MyFitnessPal mostly just in hopes that trying something (not really) new would help. MFP is how I got back into the swing of things 3 years ago, so why not give it another go?

I do think in the long run it will be more beneficial. I generally struggle with weight loss in the summer, which is funny considering all of the healthy fruits and veggies that are readily available in the summer. But, for instance, the “zero point” watermelon I inhale like crazy is really like 500+ calories. And I have no self control with it. Oddly enough, my worst night of eating this week was triggered by a giant bowl of watermelon. It gets me into an eat-all-the-food mindset that’s never a good place to be when you have a decidedly unhealthy relationship with food.

So, I will track my calories and I will work out and #wycwyc my way through each day. And eventually it will all come together, right? (Please say yes.)

Failure and Redemption

It’s embarrassing to fail in public. And that’s part of why I stopped blogging almost 2 years ago. Not that I was so famous that tons of people were reading my words. But I felt a connection to the blogging world and my Twitter followers and as I started to gain weight I felt the need to hide. (Of course the relationship goes the other way too. As I blogged less I had less accountability and more “freedom” to fail since no one was watching.)

How did the weight loss superstar who lost 135# and talked about finally having everything click start to unravel? The answer is simple: life. Life happened. I fell in love. It happened to be a long distance relationship that involved months of travel and job searching and ended with a move to a new state. One and a half years later I am still trying to find my groove some days. Going from being a single person who learned she had value and dedicated to herself to personal growth to being in a relationship (for the first time in 8-9 years) and thrust into step-parenting two amazing little girls was a crazy turn of events that I didn’t cope well with for a long time. Maybe cope has a negative connotation, but that’s not my intention. It was just such a radical adjustment that one does not make immediately.

I’ve floundered for close to 18 months now. In January/February of this year I made it back to the 100 pounds lost club. Then within a couple of weeks I started half marathon training and was diagnosed with a likely upper tibial stress fracture and was told not to run for 8 weeks. The pity party and lack of activity resulted in a 25 pound gain. Not my finest moment for sure. I was pretty hopeless when it came to ever running again or losing weight. I resigned myself to not completing my first (and what I expected to be my only) half.

The WYCWYC peeps posted this picture on their Facebook page yesterday, which pretty much sums up where I feel I’m at right now.
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For a long time I was 100% glass half full. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t do. Then life and injury and weight gain happened and I was 100% glass empty. In the last few weeks, and especially days, I’ve come to a point where I realize there’s no reason I can’t get back to where I was. And go beyond. The glass is refillable.

I will lose the weight again. I will learn to love running again. I will do another half marathon and not “just” walk the majority of it. Now that my head is back in the game I feel confident to succeed.

Weight Watchers posted a picture on their social media today touting a feature of the app I have never used, or really wanted to: custom reminders. Inspired by that picture, I set myself a reminder that goes off 3 times a day (10 am, 1 pm, and 3 pm).

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Those were semi-arbitrary times but they do seem to make sense. Mid-morning is when I sometimes I want to snack, 1:00 is my usual lunch hour, and 3 pm is another I’m-not-really-hungry-but-I-want-food time.

For the past 3 years my phone alarm every morning has told me to “Wake Up & Be Awesome” (courtesy of Dacia). It’s time to start living that again.

Weight loss is about 64% mental (it’s science) and I’m feeling like I’m in a good place to do it again.

I know I will struggle. Yesterday was one of those days. We had a work potluck. I ate far too much. I felt far too full. But it’s one day. I tracked. I moved on. I took the dog for a walk. #wycwyc